The Ultimate MARY SUE Fic!! (!!!)
by elel88
Summary: Mary Sue seems just like an ordinary American transfer student until one day, when her deep, dark secret is revealed...


THE REALA/N: This story is for fun. This is humor, making fun of Mary Sue. The next A/N is fake.  
  
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(fake A/N: If I don't get one million reviews telling me how great I am, I won't write anymore!)  
  
"Hey Ron!" cried Harry over the din.  
  
"Hey Harry!" cried Ron over the din.  
  
They were both beginning their fifth year at Hogwarts. Ron was wearing some pretty robes. The robes were black. They were longer. The robes were new.  
  
"Hey Harry! Look over there!" cried Ron, who wished he could talk instead of cry all the time.  
  
Harry's jaw dropped open.   
  
The girl had long, burnished, lustrous, gleaming, amazing, entrancing, gorgeous jet black hair and stunning, rare, interesting, sparkling, scintillating violet eyes. She was wearing a leather jacket and a leather miniskirt and fishnet stocking and leather boots and violet streaks in her hair that matched her eyes perfectly.  
  
"Hi!" she commented perkily. "I'm Mary Sue aka (inert exotic, unpronouncable name here, or, name that is the author's or resembles the author's, or, author's middle name.)"  
  
Ron sighed with utter and complete and not unfounded delight. "(inert exotic, unpronouncable name here, or, name that is the author's or resembles the author's, or, author's middle name)..."  
  
"So," interjected the gorgeous, stunning girl in head to toe leather, just minus the fishnet stockings at fishnet stockings would be quite scarier than they already are if they were made out of leather. "What is YOUR name?" She batted her eyelashes coquettishly.  
  
"R-R-R-o-on. Ron. Ron Weaselhead," stated Ron Weasley.  
  
'H-H-H-arr-y. Harry. Harry Pooter," stated Harry Potter.   
  
-She's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beautiful..- thought Harry, now Harry Pooter.  
  
"So, Harry Pooper," she interjected. "I'm an American transfer student! And look at what I can do!"  
  
Mary Sue took out a wand and pointed at herself, muttering a few spells. Promptly, her jet black hair turned auburn and her violet eyes turned turquoise.  
  
She sighed, ran her fingers through her hair in a glamourous, sultry way complete with parted lips and tossed her auburn mane. She leaned over and offered her hand.  
  
Harry raised Mary Sue's hand to kiss it until he realized she meant a handshake.   
  
"This is," she interjected. "My other face." She promptly turned back into her jet black haired, violet eyed sex kitten.   
  
****  
  
At the Sorting, Dumbledore said,  
  
"This is our transfer student from America! Please welcome her! This is Mary Sue!"  
  
Mary Sue walked up to the stage and all male jaws drop as male jaws to drop when one of the fairer gender are wearing leather miniskirts and are not wearing anything under their amazing leather jackets. The house elves dispatched into the Great Hall with mops to clean up the drool that was drooling up the floor.  
  
She perkily put the hat on her head and immediately, it called,  
  
"GRYFFINDOR FOR CHRISSAKE!"  
  
Every male at the table clapped their hands until Madam Pomfrey came down with bandages to salvage the raw flesh.  
  
Draco Malfoy was drooling so much that the table was now drowning in drool.  
  
****  
(fast foward a few days as the author was too lazy to write more)  
  
"Oh Harry!"  
  
"Oh (inert exotic, unpronouncable name here, or, name that is the author's or resembles the author's, or, author's middle name.)!"  
  
"Oh Harry!"  
  
"Oh (inert exotic, unpronouncable name here, or, name that is the author's or resembles the author's, or, author's middle name.)!"  
  
"Harry, this is true love."  
  
"Yes it is, my darling."  
  
"My darling."  
  
"OH NO!" they interjected and cried.  
  
VOLDEMORT WAS STANDING THERE!  
  
(play creepy music)  
  
"(inert exotic, unpronouncable name here, or, name that is the author's or resembles the author's, or, author's middle name.)! Get back to bed! I am you father and you shall do as I say!"  
  
Perfect tears leaked out of Mary Sue's eyes.   
  
"Father, father...." she interjected while weeping. "How can the world be so cruel? I never promised you a rose garden !"  
  
"What?" cried Harry ferverishly. "I don't believe this! You're Voldemort's daughter?"  
  
"I'm afraid I am," interjected Mary Sue. "I know you hate me now... But I love you still, Harry Poopypooter."  
  
"I love you, too (inert exotic, unpronouncable name here, or, name that is the author's or resembles the author's, or, author's middle name.)!"  
  
They both wept and wept as Mary Sue made meaningful interjections.  
  
"I love you!"  
  
"I love you!"  
  
All of a sudden, the world went black and Voldemort was killing everyone, laughing very evilly.  
  
"STOP!" cried Dumbledore.  
  
"You old fool!" cried Voldemort.  
  
"Stop!" cried Dumbledore who was getting weaker. He fell to the floor.  
  
Harry and Mary Sue gripped each other in a death hold.  
  
"I'll kill you Harry Pooterpoop!" cried Voldemort.   
  
"No, no! Anything but Harry!" interjected Mary Sue.  
  
"I"ll kill Mr. Munchybuns then! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"NOT MR. MUNCHYBUNS! MR. MUNCHYBUNS, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THIS STUPID HARRY POOPERPOOTERPEEINGPOTTER PERSON! MR. MUNCHYBUNS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Harry was dead in a flash of light.  
  
All of Hogwarts lay dead and dying.  
  
Mary Sue smiled, kissed Harry Pooter one more time and gave Voldemort a hug.  
  
"That foolish fanfiction author," she interjected to him. "Little did she know she was bring the demise of the Harry Pooter fandom."  
  
"No she didn't!" cried Dumbledore from high above. "She saved the fandom! Why kids?"  
  
"CUZ THERE IS NO HARRY POOTER FANDOM! ONLY A HARRY POTTER ONE!"  
  
--fini---  
  
  



End file.
